Perfectionism and Anxiety
Being the the eldest daughter in an immigrant family has the tendency to plant a seed of constantly striving for perfection. Growing up I saw my perfectionism as something positive. I knew I couldn’t always be perfect, but at least if I tried to be, I wouldn’t be stuck being ordinary or unremarkable. I needed to be remarkable.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how seeking perfection ties into anxiety. In school you have to be the perfect student, at home the perfect sister and daughter, at work the perfect employee, the perfect friend, the perfect partner, the perfect stranger, perfect body, perfect Instagram feed, perfect lifestyle. It’s exhausting and it’s no wonder so many of us have anxiety. When you’re trying to live this idea of a perfect life, you’re hardly living in the present; either reminiscing about the past or daydreaming about the future. When you do this, you rob yourself of time. Time that could be spent on what’s in front of you.
I decided to let go of the idea of achieving “perfection.” This doesn’t mean I’m going to go through life half assing things, but I am going to stop apologizing for not being perfect when I know I am doing my best. When you put in work into something you care about whether it’s a relationship or a project, it increases its value to you. But life hits different when you let go of the idea of achieving the perfection. If you fuck up, the world will not end. Global warming will do that, not you, boo. That stress and worry over something going wrong is energy wasted. Yes, things may not go as one planned or hoped for, but the reality is, it really will be fine. Life is hard and it is impossible for things to always go our way, but when we accept this, a huge weight is lifted off our shoulders.
I know everyone is living a different life and experiencing different struggles. I do not know your worries, and you do not carry mine, but what I do know is, letting go of what is out of your control is extremely liberating. Recommend 10/10. I have the choice to not care for being perfect, and by doing this, anyone else’s criticism of my flaws are irrelevant because BITCH, I already know I’m not perfect! I like me this way because I am more at peace and that is something you will never have if you’re trying to be perfect all the time.
Sadly, you can’t just decide to let go off perfectionism and then it ends there and you live happily ever after. Like all great things, it requires work. Instead of putting my energy into wanting things to be perfect, I’m working on accepting things as they are. When I feel the anxiety coming and high stress, I take a step back and think about what is out of my control and what I can control. The key is to focus on what you can control and take it from there. I don’t think people are aware of how powerful redirecting your thoughts can be. Don’t wait until you’re having the panic attack to try to redirect them; it’s something you have to practice. When I’m in the shower and I start to think about all the things I have to get done at work, I try to redirect my thoughts and I’ll start to list things I am grateful for that morning. Worrying about the work I have to do while showering will not decrease the amount of work I have. What it will do is cause anxiety, but practicing gratitude will put me in a more positive mood and I’ll feel ready for what is ahead of me.
I am constantly putting off my writing, waiting for the perfect topic to write about. I know my writing isn’t perfect, but it’s something I love to do. I love the feeling of being able to put my thoughts and lessons into words and knowing that my words may reach someone, so if my words reach you: I hope you stop waiting for the perfect job, the perfect body, or for you to be in the “perfect” place to do what you’ve always wanted to do, and start living now.
Originally published at http://lifeasanansiosa.com on June 22, 2019.
